Relational Youth Ministry

I trust that you will fully enjoy the Christmas season and that you find some time to have a break. I am having a break from blogging but will be back early in 2008 – see you then!

One of the key issues for me when considering my work with young people is my vision to see them fully released into what God wants them to be. I know enough of life to realise that this will only happen if the young person has a fully functioning, vital relationship with God. So that is my aim – to encourage, train and develop their relationship with God.

That’s where my personal relationship with God becomes all-important
- if my connection isn’t fully working then what am I modelling? More than that – what am I imparting spiritually as I pray and work with them?

It may well be possible to run for a little time on empty [in fact I know it
is possible!] but it isn’t possible to run for long or indeed to run our best when we feel low ourselves. John 15 talks about abiding in the vine
and whilst I am not much of a gardener [that in itself is a gross understatement], I do realise that if a branch is cut off from the main body of the tree then it dies. It may well look full of green leaves for a little while but make no mistake about it – it is dead.

The aim of this post is not to generate guilt, my observations have shown that we are quite capable of creating more guilt than we need, but to stimulate us into reassessing our ongoing relationship with God and making any necessary changes. There are many ways that we can find ourselves needing to re-establish a past friendship level with God. We could be tired, feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of life, depressed, have lost some of our inspiration. It will be worth some of your time to
identify the cause or causes because they may well need some attention to ensure that you don’t repeat the same scenario in the coming weeks and months.

The main key being that when we have recognised the need to rebuild that we take action. I can happily ‘perform’ in front of people when I am not spiritually topped up – but I know the difference.

But, no worries, the answer is easy. Get reconnected, return to God – re-establish your times with Him – pick up that Bible again, listen to those CD’s, even listen to the preacher and God will be there. In fact he never moved – we did and He is keener than we are to fill us afresh with His love, His compassion, His grace, His mercy, and His vision.

Personalities vary dramatically and the way that individuals will maintain their devotional life will be just that – individual; but I would like to suggest several components for your consideration.

• Spiritual reading: experiencing grace through scriptures, through other books [leaders are readers], through listening to written works [time in the car could be invested into your spiritual life by a good selection of tapes/cds].
• Spiritual reflection: writing a journal to express your thoughts, time away on retreat [1 day a month would be a starting point], times of solitude, prayer.
• Accountability partnerships: it is good for us to have someone we can both talk to and be talked to about our relationship with God, people around us that not only observe but have permission to comment as appropriate [for those of us who are married we live
  with someone like this!]

I think it was in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People that I first came across this concept – the difference between the Law of the School and the Law of the Farm.

In the Law of the School everything is left to the last possible moment. the essay is due in tomorrow so I will do it tonight; I have been given holiday homework and 6 weeks to do it – so I will do it on the last day. I have an exam next week so I will stay up all night the night before to revise. I know you will understand this law because many of us will recognise ourself in it [not just the students that we work with].

The farmer could not possibly live that way. He needs to harvest the crop tomorrow so he spends all night planting the seed – ridiculous isn’t it? If he doesn’t sow in the right time he won’t reap in the right season. If he doesn’t plan in advance and work out the right sequence then he won’t see success ‘in due season’.

Which leads to the question: what style of ministry do we operate? For me Relational Youth Ministry can only operate under the Law of the Farm – it is long, slow, sometimes arduous work – but the harvest is amazing.

Advice isn’t always wanted but sometimes it’s good

Bible reading cannot be substituted

Church? – it’s a must so find a good one

Disciples – find someone to disciple you

Energy is available to the young – use it wisely

Friendships are the key to growth – or not!

God can do more than you can ask or think

Help others with their issues

Influences are influential

Jonah ran, but not far enough. Don’t try it

Keep on praying

Leaning – who do you lean on? Who leans on you?

Make a difference to your world

No-one is loved more by God than you

Open up your life to other people

Plan – God has one for you

Questions are normal and to be encouraged

Remember God wants you OVER the circumstances

Samuel was a young guy when he heard Gods voice

True love waits

Understanding God will be easy in heaven but not yet

Vulnerability – help those who cannot help themselves

WWJD? – what would Jesus do?

X boyfriends/girlfriends are still your bro/sis in Christ

You are made in God’s image

Zest for life – live it to the full

Just some short thoughts on what makes Christian teens different – what things they do/don’t do – feel free to add your thoughts as this is very much a work in progress.

1. The Bible – they read, study,meditate on it. Non Christians just ignore or ridicule it.
2. Prayer – they do it as a part of normal life as opposed to when crisis occurs.
3. Temptation – they recognise it and resist it [not always successfully] as opposed to embrace it or not even see it as temptation but simply as a fun thing to do
4. Guidance – they understand that there is a plan worth finding and seek guidance from God and others as opposed to letting life pass them by.
5. Witnessing – they talk to others about their faith [not an easy one and they often need support].
6. Peer group pressure – they spot it from a distance and do everything they can to not get sucked in by the popular crowd.
7. Personal relationships – they treat people with respect and offer them support and love at all times rather than look down on people different to them
8. Self image – they get their from God and what he says about them rather than following the popular fads and media provided images.

OK – so am I running the risk of being idealistic? Let me know.

Earlier I introduced you to Adam [and then promptly digressed] – I am returning to him as I learnt a lot from our relationship. So much so that 10 years and 12,000 miles later we are still in contact.

In prison ministry I was often asked if I was being paid to do what I did in prison. As I grew in my understanding I learnt that generally speaking they were suspicious of professional psychiatrists and counsellors. Their way of finding out if I was a real person I suppose. My answer was that. I was paid to be a youth worker but I chose to go to their prison – I didn’t have to [and neither did I earn any extra]. That answer seemed to satisfy them.

Adam committed his offence at 14 years old – there aren’t many armed robbers at that age so he was a bit of a celebrity and many professional people wanted to understand what motivated him and why he committed his crime. Adam, like many young people his age, resented their probing questions and fascination with him – so he played the game.

He answered their questions in the way he believed they wanted them to be answered [plus he added just a little extra spice as he went along]. He would almost giggle when he recounted the tales of his ’sessions’ in his previous placement. [Technically Adam wasn't old enough at 14 to be put into prison so he was housed in a secure unit].

Why did you do it Adam? they asked. Power was his usual reply; control; provoking fear – he told them he was motivated by those things.

What I find amazing is that the Adam I knew wouldn’t behave that way at all. the answer was far simpler [but less dramatic] – he needed the money to buy the drugs.

Why do I tell you this? It’s all in the perception – Adam perceived [rightly or wrongly] they didn’t care about him as a person but he was just a client, a rare client at his age.

With me he saw that I cared – if we can communicate care then our youth ministry will blossom and grow.

Just in case you hadn’t realised I want to state at the outset that I no longer believe in one man for woman) bands in youth ministry. Actually I am not sure if I ever believed in them but I have observed them – even been one! Life has become more complex over recent years removing any justification for lone rangers. This might also be the time to announce that I promote people above programs – advocating a relational youth ministry model.

One biblical example of volunteerism in found in Exodus 18. Moses was operating his judicial ministry as a lone ranger when his father in law [possibly motivated by concern for his daughter and grandchildren] suggested a better way. Volunteers would reduce Moses’ workload and provide a better service. Of course by volunteers I am not suggesting casual, inexperienced, untrained people.

Even though the benefits can be clearly stated there can often be a reluctance to employ them as well as a reluctance to offer ourselves to be a volunteer.

Volunteers can be a lot of work and that can cause us to avoid the effort of using them. We can possibly do the task in less time than it takes us to explain how to do it. There is also the risk that they might be more capable than us in doing a specific task that would highlight any insecurity in us. Alternatively we might assume that no one could possibly do the job `just right’ – as well as we can. Equally we might have never been trained in delegating tasks to other people and we are just not sure what to do. Near sightedness can cause us to be reluctant to let go of some part of our work.

Long-term costs of failing to use volunteers can include burnout, breakdown and loss of everything that we are currently reluctant to let go of.

Sometimes people are reluctant to volunteer as they lack confidence to the point of being afraid. These can be overcome through encouragement and training. Keep these issues in mind as you approach potential co-workers.

It is always safest to make the approach to a potential volunteer than make an announcement. You can then avoid some of the characteristics that you don’t need in your ideal volunteer e.g. people that are grown up kids or want to be chaperones or preachers.

I would like to suggest four essential characteristics and five bonus ones to look for in potential volunteers.

• Availability – kind of obvious, but if they cant make the youth night then it would be harder for them to volunteer
• Sense of calling – the motivation to be involved is critical. Ideally it needs to be God that has called them to youth work.
• They like young people – another obvious one, but if there isn’t a respect, concern and care for youth then it simply won’t work.
• Growing spiritually – it will be difficult for someone to help a young person to grow if they themselves are stagnant.

Bonus qualities would include

• Understanding of youth culture
• Good relational skills
• Heightened and developed communication skills
• A sense of humour
• Patience [the more the better]

Whenever you are planning a volunteer team ensure that you have a good balance of gender, ages, married/singles etc and ensure that you take up adequate references

Don’t let the difficulties of volunteerism put you off the consequences of lone ranger mentality will be far worse.

Dictionary: to invite or summon someone to do something, to make demands on, to stimulate, a call to engage in something. Thesaurus: to arouse, call out, dare, provoke, require, test.

Young people both love, need and respond to a challenge.

In the country I grew up in (England) there is a nationwide scheme called the Duke of Edinburgh awards (named after the husband of the
Queen of England). It challenges young people in 4 sections at 3 levels – service, expeditions skills and physical recreation (www.theaward.org) – all in a non competitive environment.

There is also Youth Challenge International (www.yci.org) in Canada, Australia, Guyana and Costa Rica. Youth Challenge is in Singapore (www.youthchallenge.org.sg). and they are just from the first page of a Google search!

Whole organisations exist to challenge young people to make a difference. One of the websites has this slogan – ‘Life is a challenge – meet it’.

Coupled with the love of a challenge and wanting to be stretched and asked to go beyond – far beyond – their perceived potential is the inner desire to make a difference to their world.

My suggestion is that you harness these motivations and develop your youth group at the same time. If you plan and think creatively it could also produce some publicity for your group and open avenues for increased funding.

There are many areas worthy of investigation – here are some starter suggestions:

Environment

• Clean up a local park or lake or street or mall
• Plant trees, shrubs or a rose garden
• Work with an animal shelter

In this area you don’t need to reinvent the wheel – offer the
willing hands of your group to an existing project or scheme. Local
press will have details or contact your local government office for a list of possibilities.

Community Service

• Work with an aged care facility
• A kindergarten or nursery
• Care for people with disabilities

Overseas/Interstate project

There is an additional dynamic when you include a travel component even if it is to a neighbouring city and working in partnership with another youth group.

Evangelistic Challenge

You can also issue a spiritual challenge requesting your group reach out to others either locally or as part of a travel project. They could do drama or dance, a full-scale production or host a dinner – the list is endless. You might also want to check out www.youth-challenge.org for ideas.

Summary

Make your youth group the happening place, challenge them to feed the hungry, visit the prisoner because in doing so ….

The key thing to note in the very Beginning is that the blogs are in the public domain. So if you were worried about prying or uncovering secrets then that is not the case. The student has chosen to put their writing on the Internet – it is nothing like finding a diary hidden at the back of a drawer and prising open the lock.

With any potential guilt out of the way, let’s look at why reading them is definitely worth it.

It enables you to read their thoughts

Even when we have a good relationship with out student there will still be things that they don’t tell us. Not because they don’t want us to know but more often that they think it is too trivial or occasionally it may be to personal to say something face to face. We can learn about their interests and friendships, we can see what social activities they engage in, what is going on in their family. We will see things at a different level (often frivolous and humorous) than we might at youth group.

From time to time I have read something that concerned me enough to raise it with them at church – or it prompted an email.

Not knowledge for knowledge sake

The purpose is not just to know more about a student but rather to understand them better. In understanding them better we will be in a stronger position to minister to them. Equally we will be able to connect with them informally – for example, ‘Did you have a great time with Mark when he was over? I read about him on your blog.’ In every case the student has smiled and was pleased that I took the time to read their blog and mention it to them.

A friendly shoulder

From time to time I read something that isn’t appropriate – either specific language or details of certain activities. Time for a friendly shoulder – a pastoral chat about how their life is going, where they are headed. it is an opportunity to get in early and nip an activity in the bud.

A chance to celebrate

The positive spin off is that we can become aware of their achievements – maybe their basketball team got into the finals, or they won a math competition. It gives us the chance to congratulate – privately or publicly – and acknowledge them for what they have done.

In summary

Try and discover your students blogs/ My Space/ Face book details it will give you insights and make your ministry with them more effective and it will enable you to join their celebrations.

This post was inspired by Tim Schmoyer in his post 100 blog topics I hope YOU write.

Be prepared to be asked all sorts of questions when you begin Relational Youth Ministry – especially from young people with no prior church or God connections. I have listed below the 5 serious questions and also 5 fun questions [which need to be taken seriously] you will be asked before too long.

Top 5 Serious Questions

1. Who made God?
2. What’s the deal with all the suffering in the world?
3. Why should I believe in God if I can’t see Him?
4. What about Adam and Eve? [The Creation vs Evolution Debate]
5. The Bible? It’s full of contradictions

The Fun Ones (well they made me smile when I heard them for the first time!)

1. Can God make a taco so hot He can’t eat it? [the post modern version of Can He make a rock so big He can't move it].
2. Did Adam have a belly button?
3. How did the Polar Bears get from the Artic Circle to the Middle East to get on the ark?
4. Come to think of it – how did the kangaroos get from the Middle East to Australia after the ark [and not settle in various places on the way]
5. Please submit your suggestions [for the fun or the serious category]