2 Questions that work for me
One of the keys to successful youth ministry – well relational ministry – is the ability to ask good questions (there are other skills which we will come to in due course) – but I have a couple of questions that work for me and I thought I would share them with you.
Early in the initial meeting I ask my all time favourite question “Who are you?” There is only one thing that needs to happen before I ask it and that is an understanding of who I am and what I do – some kind of context. So I don’t walk up to young people on the street and ask “Who are you?” unless they already know me from school and then I might. It’s a favourite question because it can’t easily be answered and it enables me to find out the basic and advanced information I need to work out how to take the relationship forward. Let me give you an example:
If I meet someone in school then I usually start off by saying:
I am not a teacher – so I don’t care about your exam results or if you have done your homework on time. I 
am not a counsellor because they have to sit like this (adopt a very open posture) and ask questions like “how does that make you feel” (most if not all young people laugh and say they are glad as they don’t want to talk to a counsellor). I then go on to say I am a youth worker and I am simply a guy that cares – and I ask permission to ask them 2 questions. So they agree and I fire “Who are you”.
They answer by giving their name – and I respond with “:Thats your name – who are you” From time to time we play the game a couple more times as they tell me they are a student or a boy/girl or whatever. I then ask for their date of birth. I repeat it in this form: So on May 14th 1992 your Mum said ‘this hurts!’ – take me from there.
I purposefully interrupt, seek clarification, ask for expansion and effectively get them to talk me through their life – where they were born; have they moved house; who lives in their house (great question for finding out if they are from a blended family); where they fit in the genealogy – older brothers? younger sisters? It is this information gathering phase that I find the facts and their feelings and usually find the hook to talk about in more detail.
The second question usually comes right at the end of our time together – but I will tell you more about that in a future post.
In the meantime – try it out, play with it, ask someone ‘who are you’ – see how they respond. Get someone to ask you who you are too! If you want to leave a comment with your experiences that would be great!
