That’s where my personal relationship with God becomes all-important
- if my connection isn’t fully working then what am I modelling? More than that – what am I imparting spiritually as I pray and work with them?

It may well be possible to run for a little time on empty [in fact I know it
is possible!] but it isn’t possible to run for long or indeed to run our best when we feel low ourselves. John 15 talks about abiding in the vine
and whilst I am not much of a gardener [that in itself is a gross understatement], I do realise that if a branch is cut off from the main body of the tree then it dies. It may well look full of green leaves for a little while but make no mistake about it – it is dead.

The aim of this post is not to generate guilt, my observations have shown that we are quite capable of creating more guilt than we need, but to stimulate us into reassessing our ongoing relationship with God and making any necessary changes. There are many ways that we can find ourselves needing to re-establish a past friendship level with God. We could be tired, feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of life, depressed, have lost some of our inspiration. It will be worth some of your time to
identify the cause or causes because they may well need some attention to ensure that you don’t repeat the same scenario in the coming weeks and months.

The main key being that when we have recognised the need to rebuild that we take action. I can happily ‘perform’ in front of people when I am not spiritually topped up – but I know the difference.

But, no worries, the answer is easy. Get reconnected, return to God – re-establish your times with Him – pick up that Bible again, listen to those CD’s, even listen to the preacher and God will be there. In fact he never moved – we did and He is keener than we are to fill us afresh with His love, His compassion, His grace, His mercy, and His vision.

Personalities vary dramatically and the way that individuals will maintain their devotional life will be just that – individual; but I would like to suggest several components for your consideration.

• Spiritual reading: experiencing grace through scriptures, through other books [leaders are readers], through listening to written works [time in the car could be invested into your spiritual life by a good selection of tapes/cds].
• Spiritual reflection: writing a journal to express your thoughts, time away on retreat [1 day a month would be a starting point], times of solitude, prayer.
• Accountability partnerships: it is good for us to have someone we can both talk to and be talked to about our relationship with God, people around us that not only observe but have permission to comment as appropriate [for those of us who are married we live
  with someone like this!]

In the Law of the School everything is left to the last possible moment. the essay is due in tomorrow so I will do it tonight; I have been given holiday homework and 6 weeks to do it – so I will do it on the last day. I have an exam next week so I will stay up all night the night before to revise. I know you will understand this law because many of us will recognise ourself in it [not just the students that we work with].

The farmer could not possibly live that way. He needs to harvest the crop tomorrow so he spends all night planting the seed – ridiculous isn’t it? If he doesn’t sow in the right time he won’t reap in the right season. If he doesn’t plan in advance and work out the right sequence then he won’t see success ‘in due season’.

Which leads to the question: what style of ministry do we operate? For me Relational Youth Ministry can only operate under the Law of the Farm – it is long, slow, sometimes arduous work – but the harvest is amazing.

In prison ministry I was often asked if I was being paid to do what I did in prison. As I grew in my understanding I learnt that generally speaking they were suspicious of professional psychiatrists and counsellors. Their way of finding out if I was a real person I suppose. My answer was that. I was paid to be a youth worker but I chose to go to their prison – I didn’t have to [and neither did I earn any extra]. That answer seemed to satisfy them.

Adam committed his offence at 14 years old – there aren’t many armed robbers at that age so he was a bit of a celebrity and many professional people wanted to understand what motivated him and why he committed his crime. Adam, like many young people his age, resented their probing questions and fascination with him – so he played the game.

He answered their questions in the way he believed they wanted them to be answered [plus he added just a little extra spice as he went along]. He would almost giggle when he recounted the tales of his ‘sessions’ in his previous placement. [Technically Adam wasn't old enough at 14 to be put into prison so he was housed in a secure unit].

Why did you do it Adam? they asked. Power was his usual reply; control; provoking fear – he told them he was motivated by those things.

What I find amazing is that the Adam I knew wouldn’t behave that way at all. the answer was far simpler [but less dramatic] – he needed the money to buy the drugs.

Why do I tell you this? It’s all in the perception – Adam perceived [rightly or wrongly] they didn’t care about him as a person but he was just a client, a rare client at his age.

With me he saw that I cared – if we can communicate care then our youth ministry will blossom and grow.

With any potential guilt out of the way, let’s look at why reading them is definitely worth it.

It enables you to read their thoughts

Even when we have a good relationship with out student there will still be things that they don’t tell us. Not because they don’t want us to know but more often that they think it is too trivial or occasionally it may be to personal to say something face to face. We can learn about their interests and friendships, we can see what social activities they engage in, what is going on in their family. We will see things at a different level (often frivolous and humorous) than we might at youth group.

From time to time I have read something that concerned me enough to raise it with them at church – or it prompted an email.

Not knowledge for knowledge sake

The purpose is not just to know more about a student but rather to understand them better. In understanding them better we will be in a stronger position to minister to them. Equally we will be able to connect with them informally – for example, ‘Did you have a great time with Mark when he was over? I read about him on your blog.’ In every case the student has smiled and was pleased that I took the time to read their blog and mention it to them.

A friendly shoulder

From time to time I read something that isn’t appropriate – either specific language or details of certain activities. Time for a friendly shoulder – a pastoral chat about how their life is going, where they are headed. it is an opportunity to get in early and nip an activity in the bud.

A chance to celebrate

The positive spin off is that we can become aware of their achievements – maybe their basketball team got into the finals, or they won a math competition. It gives us the chance to congratulate – privately or publicly – and acknowledge them for what they have done.

In summary

Try and discover your students blogs/ My Space/ Face book details it will give you insights and make your ministry with them more effective and it will enable you to join their celebrations.

This post was inspired by Tim Schmoyer in his post 100 blog topics I hope YOU write.

Top 5 Serious Questions

1. Who made God?
2. What’s the deal with all the suffering in the world?
3. Why should I believe in God if I can’t see Him?
4. What about Adam and Eve? [The Creation vs Evolution Debate]
5. The Bible? It’s full of contradictions

The Fun Ones (well they made me smile when I heard them for the first time!)

1. Can God make a taco so hot He can’t eat it? [the post modern version of Can He make a rock so big He can't move it].
2. Did Adam have a belly button?
3. How did the Polar Bears get from the Artic Circle to the Middle East to get on the ark?
4. Come to think of it – how did the kangaroos get from the Middle East to Australia after the ark [and not settle in various places on the way]
5. Please submit your suggestions [for the fun or the serious category]

In some senses this one is an obvious – but maybe you too have left the preparation to the very last minute [driving to the youth meeting?] and whilst the subject matter is known to a level it possible would have benefited from more advanced thought – research even?

2. The learner should be interested in learning

Having taught many talks on many Friday nights I understand there is usually a mixed audience when it comes to interest level – sometimes that mixture is beyond our control. The point still stands though – to create effective learning the listener has to be interested.

3. Use language that is common in meaning to both

Make your talks a jargon free zone. There are numerous examples of words that just don’t travel very well across the age divide, or the on-Christian divide or in some cases just the cultural gap. Just imagine what ‘;washed in the blood’ could sound like to the untheological.

4. Keep the lesson simple and it makes common sense

K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple. Stupid – so let’s just go with the KIS – keeping it simple means more people get the point. It doesn’t mean we don’t have to introduce challenging content, rather that we present it in such a way as they can’t hide behind misunderstanding or lack of understanding.

5. It is better to facilitate self learning

If we can point students ion the direction of self bible study, if we can make it easy for them then their learning will continue well beyond Friday night and will be way ore effective.

6. It is all about review and application – changed lives.

For me, youth ministry teaching is more than intellectual knowledge it’s about an increased relationship between the young person and God – it’s about changed lives. The challenge is for me to hold up the content of what I say against the matrix of life changing potential.

“Friends with benefits” is a term today’s teenagers and college students use for couples who have sex but are not romantically in love.

I have been aware of the use of this phrase for quite some time. However, I don’t think I have ever seen it written down or defined. Seeing it in print renewed my unease with the whole concept.

A new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior indicates that such relationships are common. About 60% of 125 students surveyed at Michigan State University reported having had a “friend with benefits” relationship. Only one-tenth of these couples became full-scale romances. About a third stayed friends but stopped having sex, and a fourth broke off altogether. The rest remained “friends with benefits.”

Of course with statistics we never really know how reliable they are when extrapolated [good word?] out to the general population. In real figures that means that out of the 125 surveyed 24 of them are still ‘enjoying’ a friend with benefits situation.

“We found that people got into these relationships because they didn’t want commitment. It was perceived as a safe relationship, at least at first,” Dr. Timothy Levine observed. “But there was this growing fear that the one person would become more attracted than the other.” The couples usually never talked about one subject: their relationships.

And therein lies the two issues : a lack of commitment and an inability to talk about their relationship.

On scales of intimacy, “friends with benefits” score low on passion and commitment.

If they score low on intimacy and passion then it makes me ask the question – ‘why bother’? But then again the answer comes to mind immediately – it’s just an answer I don’t want to acknowledge!

For those of you that have been involved in the prison system – either as part of your ministry, your past or your profession – you will know some of the hierarchy details. In some senses it is the opposite to ‘life on the out’. The bigger your crime the higher your status (sex offenders excluded). So Adam had instant respect as he arrived in the prison I worked in.

Even though he was on the juvenile unit, I eventually persuaded the senior chaplain to accept Adam as the chaplaincy orderly. (A job that was highly prized – either because they could chat with me or have personal access to cups of coffee – or maybe both!) The reasons I wanted him as an orderly were:

• He had the respect of the other inmates – which meant he wouldn’t be taken advantage of and bullied into providing other people with coffee.
• His work ethic was exemplary and he was always willing to volunteer to help in any way he could.
• He was a reformed young man – whilst he could never be considered a ‘softie’ he was certainly gentle and kind hearted.
• All of those attributes contributed to the fact that I liked the guy (and why I am still in touch 9 years and 12,000 miles later – but thats for later in the story)

As I am writing this my mind went back to a time when 2 cigarettes and a block of Bourneville chocolate was stolen from the chaplaincy centre, (Bourneville, for those of you not living in countries served by Cadbury’s chocolate is a plain, dark chocolate). Adam was furious that they had gone ‘on his watch’ and the word was put out to find the culprit. I hastily amended the finer points of the request by stating I wanted to see him rather than Adam.

The thief arrived in my office within the hour and whilst I can no longer recall his name I can still see his face – he was reasonably scared. By the time we met both the cigarettes and the chocolate had been consumed and he was very grateful for my intervention! He readily agreed to ‘earn’ his stolen fruit by working in the chapel and Adam readily agreed to supervise and ensure he worked with suitable effort. I am sure Adam did it for the good of the chaplaincy and not because it was his chocolate – unavailable in prison but brought in as a gift from a grateful boss.

But my digression has meant I must come back to Adam in a future post.

D – Dare to Dream

Every dream we have starts in the mind and can be put there by God direct! What we have to do, the risk we need to take, is dare to accept it and make it our own. Hopefully it will stretch us and develop us into bigger people as we dare to do more than we ever thought possible.

R – be Realistic

Being realistic doesn’t mean that we need to make our goal easy – it just means that we ensure that it is achievable. Ideally we won’t be able to do it by ourselves, it will be too big – we will need God to come through and be with us all the way.

E – Express It

If we never talk about it we run the risk of never making it as we can talk ourselves in and out of things with ease [we have had years of practice]. So tell someone – ideally someone who will be supportive and encouraging. The purpose isn’t to expect them to do it for you but for them to be aware and prompt you by asking how things are going.

A – Age is irrelevant

You are never too young or never too old to dream – KFC was founded by a guy with his pension money (yes it was Colonel Sanders) ad Josiah was a king at 8 years old as well as the bulk of the disciples being teenagers when they first encountered Jesus.

M – Make it Happen

Having a dream is great but it would be foolish to think we can then just sit around and it will magically come to pass. No, we have to do our bit and make it happen. Someone once said that we should pray as though only God could do it and work as though only we could do it. Effort reaps rewards.

For a limited time I am happy to email you either the transcript, the workbook or the audio file [hey all of them if you ask nicely] – limited time = end of November 2007. Please comment here with a valid email address.

This post was inspired by Life in Student Ministry – 100 blog topics I hope YOU will write.